Tag: Life in death situation

Life in Death Situation

A timely reminder to leave no hug un-hugged! Squeeze a little harder for a few seconds longer…

The precarious nature of our existence is never clearer than in the face of death.

If mistakes are life’s pencil sharpener, then death smacks of ridiculous frickin clarity, that is if you are paying proper attention. As with all life events innately designed to have you on your ass buried in the weeds, death attached to someone with whom you share the same DNA is the international champion of such events.

The prize, a gold-plated shovel necessary to dig the hole to wallow-dom. Welcome to the club for you have arrived.

I was 24 years old when my father died unexpectedly. Before my head stopped spinning, I had pitched a tent in wallow-dom. Second guessing took the first of many prizes pacing neck in neck with what if’s.

If the club had a secret handshake, I mastered it with my eyes closed.

woman walking on road at night
Photo by Lucas Pezeta on Pexels.com

Resources were scarce, and compassionate knowing nonexistent in my cavalier life that just delivered my first real job and bills to pay. In the 80’s people whispered cancer in fear of being discovered so facing death was best done alone. No RIP social media posts granting space for hashtag empathy.

Deal and move on please, you are blocking the entrance!

Through her bionic wisdom, capable of scaling mountains, climbing down deep holes and crossing oceans, my mother delivered something that helped me pack up my tent and leave wallow-dom – M. Scott Peck’s, The Road Less Traveled. Beautifully tattered and yellowed after 35 years as a reference, it is a timeless must read for those seeking a deeper meaning in life.

The Road Less Traveled

I read this book two separate times, 23 years apart. I derived separate and significant insights each time. Like a fine wine, the message aged well and spoke more broadly to me and the areas of my life that time had tested.

Immediately after my father’s death, one of my many answerless questions… Does the pain of death perpetuate death (physically or spiritually) or life? Page 133, delivered my answer. This is a glimpse of why Peck’s book has sold over seven million copies and why it is clearly, a life in death situation:

“If we can live with the knowledge that death is our constant companion, traveling on our left shoulder, then death becomes our ally and a source of wise counsel. With death’s counsel, the constant awareness of the limit of our time to live and love, we can always be guided to make the best use of our time and live life to the fullest. But if we are unwilling to fully face the fearsome presence of death on our left shoulder, we deprive ourselves of its counsel and cannot possibly live or love with clarity. When we shy away from death, the ever-changing nature of things, we inevitably shy away from life.”

Can I get a mic drop please?

Even today, these words produce goose bumps and make my heart race. What a gift! They made me feel lucky to have lived and survived a death of such significance in my young life. What a blessing, always ‘traveling on my left shoulder.’ Death’s presence perpetuates life, love, honesty, openness, expression, and the values inherent within them.

No room for complacent wimps.

Next in line, please step to the front.

8 Significant Lessons I Learned From Screwing Up

Since I learned the best lessons in my life through the mistakes I have made, this list could be seemingly infinite because I have made countless ones. There are several that tripped me up for years before I realized I had the power and ability to make a change in the behavior that was causing me so many issues.

The best description I found was looking through the lens of a victim vs a creator.

As a self-imposed victim, I didn’t necessarily blame others for my struggles, mistakes or failures, rather absolved myself from the equation by not being accountable to my actions. As if, the swamp I found myself in existed outside of my ability to see the mountain I could scale.

I didn’t necessarily mope around mumbling ‘woe is me,’ rather silently felt unworthy of progress which left me insecure and scared about my future or any potential success that awaited. I took small steps in the beginning but when I could feel and see that switching my mindset from living irresponsibly to owning and creating my direction, my life began to change.

This change began somewhere during my college years, as I realized the benefits of my focused work, and hit me smack in the face on the heels of my father’s unexpected death when I was 24 years old.

Death with no notice stops you right in your tracks. It left me reflecting on the things I had done that directly hurt others and inadvertently hurt me.

There was no re-do button.

a person holding a red buzzer
Photo by Volker Thimm on Pexels.com

Not all of my lessons revealed themselves in this exact moment, but it sure as hell sharpened my attention and enabled me to take steps in a positive direction, correcting one mistake at a time.

Here are my 8 teachers.

white and brown direction
Photo by Diana ✨ on Pexels.com

Silence is Not Golden

In my youth, I retreated with my emotions and closed up like a clam burrowing in the sand. My mantra, ‘I don’t want to talk about’ when asked about what bothered me, did not serve me well! My father’s death taught me the significance of sharing love, telling people my feelings, speaking my truth, and asking the hard questions in real time, not with hindsight.

Otherwise, I might not get another chance.

Embracing Death Gave Me Life

Understanding and accepting the complexity of relationships and the importance of communication is never clearer than after a loss. The gleam of light in the darkness results from a knowing that life is fleeting, sacred and all encompassing. As M. Scott Peck so eloquently put it, death is my “constant companion, always traveling on my left shoulder.” His words remind me of the the fragility of life and human nature and why I need to live for today and not yesterday.

Otherwise, I might not get another chance.

Resolve, Resilience and Perseverance

This is a 3 for 1, because for me they all surfaced in the same times and places in my life where my greatest struggles thrived. Success only comes after failure by virtue of all 3. It is really difficult to stand up straight again after a gut punch that leaves you breathless, but failure inevitably and repeatedly challenged my resolve, resilience and ability to persevere. As long as I remain focused, they collectively guide me toward the most significant accomplishments in my life.

Otherwise, I might not get another chance.

Accountability

Owning my shit enabled me to feel worthy and move forward without regret.  Being accountable doesn’t absolve me of mistakes or any poor choices that I continue to make, it simply defines my role in the process. Knowing I went down the wrong path makes the presence of its potential in my future much clearer, enabling me to thwart it in its tracks or rectify it before it’s a problem.

Otherwise, I might not get another chance.

Humility and Why the High Road is an Easy Climb

Humility was quite elusive for me, especially in the times in my life when I was ‘this’ or ‘that’ or had something to prove. I stumbled on the comforting feeling once I decided my life would be better lived under the radar. Arguing, complaining, bragging, or being the loudest one in the room gets one a lot of attention for all the wrong reasons. People aren’t paying attention when it’s always in their faces, so I retreat and let my actions speak for my words.

Otherwise, I might not get another chance.

So go out and screw up, take notes and do better next time.

Otherwise, you might not get another chance.

Life in Death Situation

The author shares their experience with death when their father passed away unexpectedly at the age of 24. This led to self-questioning and emotional struggling, referred to as ‘wallow-dom’. In dealing with this grief, the author found solace in M. Scott Peck’s book, ‘The Road Less Traveled’. The book’s message about the presence of death, as an ally and counselor, helped the author embrace life more fully, drawing explicit connections between death, life, love, honesty, and expression.

The precarious nature of our existence is never clearer than in the face of death. If mistakes are life’s pencil sharpener, then death smacks of ridiculous frickin clarity, that is if you are paying proper attention. As with all life events innately designed to have you on your ass buried in the weeds, death attached to someone with whom you share the same DNA is the international champion of such events. The prize, a gold-plated shovel necessary to dig the hole to wallow-dom. Welcome to the club for you have arrived.

I was 24 years old when my father died unexpectedly. Before my head stopped spinning, I had pitched a tent in wallow-dom. Second guessing took the first of many prizes pacing neck in neck with what if’s. If the club had a secret handshake, I mastered it with my eyes closed.

Resources were scarce, and compassionate knowing nonexistent in my cavalier life that just delivered my first real job and bills to pay. In the 80’s people whispered cancer in fear of being discovered so facing death was best done alone. No RIP social media posts granting space for hashtag empathy. Deal and move on please, you are blocking the entrance!

Through her bionic wisdom, capable of scaling mountains, climbing down deep holes and crossing oceans, my mother delivered something that helped me pack up my tent and leave wallow-dom – M. Scott Peck’s, The Road Less Traveled. Beautifully tattered and yellowed after 35 years as a reference, it is a timeless must read for those seeking a deeper meaning in life.

The Road Less Traveled

I read this book two separate times, 23 years apart. I derived separate and significant insights each time. Like a fine wine, the message aged well and spoke more broadly to me and the areas of my life that time had tested.

Immediately after my father’s death, one of my many answerless questions… Does the pain of death perpetuate death (physically or spiritually) or life? Page 133, delivered my answer. This is a glimpse of why Peck’s book has sold over seven million copies and why it is clearly, a life in death situation:

“If we can live with the knowledge that death is our constant companion, traveling on our left shoulder, then death becomes our ally and a source of wise counsel. With death’s counsel, the constant awareness of the limit of our time to live and love, we can always be guided to make the best use of our time and live life to the fullest. But if we are unwilling to fully face the fearsome presence of death on our left shoulder, we deprive ourselves of its counsel and cannot possibly live or love with clarity. When we shy away from death, the ever-changing nature of things, we inevitably shy away from life.”

Can I get a mic drop please? Even today, these words produce goose bumps and make my heart race. What a gift! They made me feel lucky to have lived and survived a death of such significance in my young life. What a blessing, always ‘traveling on my left shoulder.’ Death’s presence perpetuates life, love, honesty, openness, expression, and the values inherent within them. No room for complacent wimps. Next in line, please step to the front.