Do You Set Your Mind or Does Your Mind Set You?

During my stint as an adjunct instructor at the local community college, one of the classes on my schedule was Student Development – SD 125. The primary course objective was to help shape attitudes, beliefs and behaviors to enhance self-esteem and self-awareness while building confidence to move forward with a successful college and life plan.

Um, hello! In one semester? It was no small feat.

For some, this was a required class, for others, it was encouraged by their Student Advisor. There was a consistent theme of personality characteristics that the enrolled students shared.

They were the first in their families to attend college. They were academically and emotionally insecure. They were confined by labels, had been discouraged from achieving and were ready to quit at any moment.

If I didn’t get them onboard quickly, I would lose them, and occasionally, I did.

I told them the hardest part was over by doing everything they had done to be sitting in their chair. I told them they already had an A+ and only stood to lose it. I told them to jump in with both feet. I told them that if they trusted me, we would get there together.

Shaping and changing their mindsets was mission #1.

Years of conditioning is hard to undo, but it was tantamount for me to understand their setbacks, hardships, hurdles and insecurities to move them forward. I was surprised how publicly vulnerable they could be sharing in class and through their homework.

We talked about the importance of understanding and differentiating between their strengths, weakness, passions, and abilities. And why perseverance, resilience, vulnerability, and grit were essential to an enduring successful outcome.

Fortunately, the text book was full of self-assessment journal assignments which enabled a perspective on how they approached challenges. I filled in the gaps with inspiration from my personal struggles as well as Ted Talks (links follow) from the likes of Brene Brown, Amy Cuddy, Angela Duckworth, and Carol Dweck to name a few.

The biggest hurdles I confronted surrounded empowering them to believe in themselves, shed the labels others had characterized them by, and to put in the hard work. The hard work was not the curriculum per se but rather the focused efforts needed to change their patterns of behavior and mindsets.

Most often, a huge light went off when they came to realize they were solely in control of their outcomes. Some came to this sooner than others, but their discovery was palpable and often brought me to tears.

When the puzzle pieces came together it was by virtue of their new growth driven mindset. Their body language improved and class participation increased. They embraced the broader application (outside of school) of their new and improved mindset, flying high in the sky among the stars.

During this period in their mindset transformation, it always shocked me how many of their ‘people,’ (parent, significant other, friend or relative) did NOT support or encourage their growth. Not all, but many of the students were overtly rejected, shunned, and even turned away.

Truly sad when someone else’s power resides in their ability to control and hold others back. This ugly scenario reared its head every semester I taught this class. A different student roster, but the same under-my-thumb response.

So, I devoted a class discussion around why some endeavor to hold others back. A devastating reality in our society. I expressed the importance of retaining their power by not conceding to the manipulation of another, even at the cost of the relationship.

Change is difficult for many, most especially for the person who thrives in holding another back. It was critical to surround themselves with people who would set them up for success rather than those that would strip them of their personal growth.

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Catch ya later hater!

Mere months before, they were on the same plane with them but through their focused efforts and hard work, emerged the difference between what was and what could be.

Positively brilliant!

So, do you set your mind or does your mind set you?

Be the goldfish that swims with the swagger of a shark!