Category: Deliberations

Sailing Naked – How a Hungarian Freedom Fighter and His American Daughter Resolved Intergenerational Trauma

Available 15 October 2025 in the UK and EU through local booksellers as well as major retailers. Sailing Naked will be released in the US on 6 January 2026. Want a compelling read?? Buy yours now!

Synopsis:

Sailing the high seas, clothes were always optional. Why settle for plain vanilla when you can be an outrageous chocolate sundae—overflowing with flavor and a few nuts on top?

Frank thrived on creativity and contradiction. Whether he was sailing the Pacific, debating the virtues of growing vegetables in the desert, or simply losing himself in conversation, he did it all with flair. The ascot and Wayfarers he wore were more than style—they were the bow on a loosely wrapped package, the final flourish on a life lived vividly.

Yet beneath that charm lay the shadow of a past he could never escape. At twenty, Frank fled Communist Hungary in 1956, carrying with him both freedom and the wounds of exile. He was no man for excuses; he simply chose to live at the farthest edge of everything—having once known the suffocating stillness of censorship, he sought only extremes.

Kristina’s memoir is a raw, lyrical exploration of her life with her father, a Hungarian Freedom Fighter turned political refugee. Through love, loss, and turbulence, she unravels the story of a man celebrated for his courage yet undone by his demons. Though he earned entry to the United States through a visa recognizing his service as a translator for the Austrian border guards, his spirit remained haunted by the Russians and their tanks. Drugs and alcohol became his refuge until his final breath.

Where hope flickered, despair often followed. Few could comprehend the emotional wreckage born from a youth of hiding carrots, stealing chickens, or dragging a wounded comrade from the reach of Soviet bullets. In the end, hindsight became a reflecting pool—showing a thousand ways Kristina and Frank might have found peace together.

This is an account of her path to find peace, via Venice Beach, California in the 1970s, Seville, Spain in the 1980s, Michigan, Chicago, Switzerland, Hungary, the Isle of Wight and Mexico.

Early praise for Sailing Naked includes:

“A compelling expression of vulnerability and acceptance… A must read!” — Evelyn Farkas, Ph.D., National Security Expert and Fellow Hungarian

“Her lesson to all of us is to have empathy for oneself and to honor and develop your highest self.” — David Evrard, Author and Entrepreneur

“Through storm and hellish situations, Kalapos unflinchingly documents her father’s struggles and her own quest for inner peace. A moving tale of compassion and acceptance.” — Zilka Joseph, Author of Sweet Malida: Memories of a Bene Israel Woman

About Kristina Kalapos:

Kristina is an entrepreneur, writer, adjunct instructor, and ski instructor, she has built a dynamic career defined by creativity and resilience. Born in Zurich, Switzerland, she remains deeply connected to her Hungarian roots and has successfully founded two businesses. Her intuitive vision has guided her work in business, in the classroom, and on the ski slopes alike. Kristina attended elementary and junior high school in Traverse City before moving to Harbor Springs for high school. She currently lives in Northern Michigan.

Thank you for your purchase!

Dear Prudence, What the Heck?

Would you stand outside during a Cat 5 hurricane? Run toward the eye of a tornado? Or jump off a cliff without a parachute?

Exactly!

Not only would I not jump off a cliff without a parachute, I wouldn’t jump off of a cliff with one! Call me crazy, but I can’t get in my car without buckling my seat belt.

portrait photo of woman in red top wearing black framed eyeglasses standing in front of white background thinking
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Recently, I read an article in The Atlantic by David Brooks (link to article) and can’t get one sentence of the 10ish minute read out of my head, “Power without prudence and humility invariably fails.”

Why?

Genuine power comes from dominant, brazen, innovative, and often cavalier behaviors that collectively garner attention and demand submission and compliance. Power is only powerful if one out does another.

No risk, no reward. No pain, no gain. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

You get the idea. So what’s the problem?

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The problem is, power without prudence is reckless, volatile and extremely consequential. Imagine bulldozing your house to create extra space on your property only to realize you just demoed the only roof over your head.

Like cutting off your nose to spite your face. Impulsive, rash behavior has consequences when left unchecked.

Prudence is the check and humility is the balance.

Prudence is common sense dressed to the nines for nice evening out on the town. Common sense is common because we share in the reality of the consequential outcome of such catastrophic choices. Like, I will die if I jump off a cliff without a parachute or run toward the eye of a tornado.

Prudence reasons consequential actions in real time. It balances the risk with the reward while pushing the envelope. Like hitting a grand slam in the 9th inning with the bases loaded. A statistical anomaly measured by the rarity behind the effort and successful outcome.

two female in baseball gears in stadium ready to catch and swing baseball
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A win with the last swing of a bat. That is where a hero is born.

Where does humility enter the picture? Humility, the power hungry may argue, is a sign of weakness. A step toward self reflection and that vulnerable compassionate crap that is for the weak. Never let them see you sweat!

Contrarily, if we are all fallibly human, humility is noble and nobility is powerful and worthy of emulation.

If humility is worthy of emulation its power rests in the perception of the efforts hidden in the blind. The power exists not because you were told where to look but rather enabled a clear view and uninfluenced interpretation of what you witnessed.

Humility is empowering because it draws you into the power through the conduct of those that successfully exhibit the behavior.

elegant man holding a mirror on a field
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Humility is you standing in front of a mirror reflecting back your image and the path you just conquered. It favors accountability over blame, ownership over excuses, confidence over arrogance, empathy over apathy, altruism over narcissism, and compassion over defiance.

Silent traits observed by the masses.

It creates the space and energy for successes to be successes and mistakes to be mistakes. I am fortunate to have witnessed many fine and worthy examples of humility in my lifetime.

Power without prudence and humility is ruthless. It is winner takes all without regard for those in its way or the consequences that will result. The volatility is so erratic it leaves your head spinning in utter disbelief.

Power without prudence and humility takes everyone as prisoners leaving the weakest among us hopelessly feeble. If you are up against a mile high brick wall, there is no getting around it.

Power without prudence and humility lacks the common good. It is elitist and favors no one and in the end, not even the elitist.

Power without prudence and humility invariably fails because bulldozing every last thing in the power’s path leaves nothing behind on which to stand powerfully.

So, Dearest Prudence, What the heck?

Searching for Middle Ground. What would Frank Do?

My father, Frank, with just the shirt on his back, fled communist Hungary in 1956 after the failed revolt against the Russians. The Hungarian’s peaceful protest and message in opposition of the communist protocols was met with tanks and bullets.

On October 23,1956 the Hungarian Revolution was born.

At age 21, after 18 days of Russian supremacy and thousands of lost lives, my father abruptly left his country, family and the only life he knew in search of freedom and democracy. He spent 6 weeks in an Austrian refugee camp before being granted a visa to come to America.

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The home of the free and land of the brave where all were embraced and welcomed. Liberty and justice for all.

It is extremely synchronistic that I was moved to write this on November 10, 2024. It turns out, November 10th was the 68th anniversary of the Hungarians claiming defeat to the Russians and 36th anniversary of when my father did. I was hours into my thoughts before I connected my writing motives with the dates.

I am still trying to reconcile my feelings. Today, yesterday, and the days before, I have been left wondering, What would Frank do?

Frank Kalapos circa 1958 in America

I am speechless, yet full of words. I feel betrayed yet embraced. I am terrified, sad, disappointed, worried, and extremely pensive. I am juggling the most consequential thoughts of my life and haven’t felt this disjointed since embracing the angst of my sexuality.

Clearly, Frank has moved me to these words despite my staunch resistance to speak to anything political or religious on this blog, yet here I go.

After sacrificing every last thing, my father immersed himself in America. He embraced freedom, patriotism, and democracy. He recognized what a gift it was and never took it for granted.

The lens through which he saw life, people, culture, and the differences that walked among them, was open and welcoming. His judgement-free, inclusive and open minded ways were the foundation of my early influences and enabled me to view the world through open eyes.

It was never explained, it just was.

My father’s best friend was a flamboyant German immigrant. He was gay. My brother and I shared our best friend, Tyrone. He was black. We didn’t know the German was gay and we didn’t know Tyrone’s blackness could be of consequence. It just didn’t matter.

Tyrone, Me and Steve circa 1972

He marched in the July 4th parade in Venice, CA.

He encouraged us at the Hare Krishna Festival on Venice Beach in the 70’s to learn and understand other’s religious perspectives.

He waived the American flag as the Olympic torch ran through the streets of L.A. in the summer of 1984.

He raised us to be open minded, inclusive, compassionate, and empathetic souls. He encouraged us to do the right thing even when it wasn’t popular. He guided us through his example and let us find our way.

He listened.

He challenged perspectives through the influence of understanding and respect. He knew it wasn’t a democracy if we were all on the same page. He believed opposites could find middle ground and he could bridge the gap of the largest crevasse with eloquence.

He was such a gift.

So here we are again, What would Frank do?

He would think we are making a Mockery Against Great America. He would be struggling to understand the callus, divisive, hateful, and misguided energy that so emboldens us against each other.

He definitely would not want us to relinquish freedoms we have earned and enjoyed for generations, rather ease up on our convoluted consequential convictions. He would want us to find middle ground, each conceding equally.  

He wouldn’t wallow in the mire. Frank would want me to hang on to hope even in the face of betrayal, hurt and disappointment. It doesn’t right the wrong through those from whom I feel betrayed, rather shifts my energy in a more positive light.

Clearly, his energy is turning over in his grave as it pushes my pen.

Trust me, I am trying to get my glass half full!

I am trying to step over the crevasse before it sucks me in!

I am squinting to find the light at the end of the tunnel!

To my far right friends, I know you, I see you and I love you. I knew what I was stepping into and I chose to stay. It is as innately who you are, as it is innately not who I am, but I chose to stay despite our differences. I see that your choice is for you and not against me.

I am trying to remain hopeful that the consequences of those beliefs do not haunt us for generations to come.

I guess time will tell.

Unfortunately, it is where hypocrisy thrives that my issues remain. Duplicity, talking out of both sides of your mouth, saying one thing then doing another. Spin it as you will… that is where I feel betrayed, hurt and gutted.

Like, how could you?

I have a lot at stake as will many in our society. If making America great infringes on our inalienable rights, is it really that great?

RIP Dad, thank you for putting it in perspective for me.

Frank E. Kalapos – February 12, 1934 – November 10, 1988

Perspective – One of the P’s in my Pod

I was talking with a friend recently about thoughts and perspectives and how and why we come to the reality of our positions. I wondered, is everyone’s mind in over-drive all the time or just mine?

My overthinking doesn’t render me in the abyss of indecision, rather it never leaves room for pure and utter silence.

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Have you ever wondered how much ground a squirrel can cover jumping from one tree’s branch to another? Or why a No. 2 Pencil is numbered and reigns supreme?

I didn’t think so.

I split hairs, connect dots, analyze angles, sharpen pencils, pull weeds in the desert and then put it all together in one cohesive anthology. It leaves me in the space of a pretty firm opinion.

People close to me are prepared for the challenge. I am neither obstinate nor a, my-way-or-the-highway kind of gal, but you can be sure I have covered all the perceived angles.

I am a good listener, I ask a lot of questions, and I can admit when I am wrong.

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I challenge other’s positions with an open mind knowing I can’t learn something new without understanding another’s perspective. It is critical to have a voice of conviction when sharing our beliefs if there is value in moving the needle one way or the other.

Nothing worse than wishy-washy.

The best orators cultivate mindsets rather than fix broken records, not just because they are firm in their conviction but because they lead and live through their example. Their passion and commitment to their belief lies beyond the words that encapsulate it.

That is a person who can push the needle.

a woman holding megaphone
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I would very much prefer and accept someone’s counter conviction if they themselves lived, breathed and walked in the space with it. I always say, the loudest homophobes are closet-ed gays. It’s their very vocal condemnation and projection of a belief that they clearly do not subscribe to since they hide under the pretense with enormous disdain.

Swap out any 2 things and you will see the pattern.

The loudest complainers carry the biggest shovel.

Those shining the brightest spot light are deflecting their own shadow.

Those that live in glass houses should not throw stones.

You get the idea. Pure hypocrisy.

It is okay to be on 2 different pages when our beliefs are foundational to the way we conduct ourselves.  It is not about always being on the same page or about being a goody two shoes, or living infallibly or being the brightest star, it’s about owning your words and your commitment to them.

Simply, our perspective should align with our conduct. Period. 100%.

It seems easier to pretend to be something we are not rather than just own the air and space in which we exist. There was a time in my life when this was more difficult than it is for me today, but if I had to pin-point it, I think it foundationally changed when I stopped giving a shit about what other’s thought. 

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When I let go of the frame through which I thought other’s would define me and lived more transparently, I became capable of living authentically.

When I aligned my words with my actions, life got a lot easier. Today, my not giving-a-shit attitude is not cavalier nor malicious, it simply enables a space and time to live in my words and beliefs.

It is foundational to my perspective and worldview. It is one of the P’s in my pod.

Do You Set Your Mind or Does Your Mind Set You?

During my stint as an adjunct instructor at the local community college, one of the classes on my schedule was Student Development – SD 125. The primary course objective was to help shape attitudes, beliefs and behaviors to enhance self-esteem and self-awareness while building confidence to move forward with a successful college and life plan.

Um, hello! In one semester? It was no small feat.

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For some, this was a required class, for others, it was encouraged by their Student Advisor. There was a consistent theme of personality characteristics that the enrolled students shared.

They were the first in their families to attend college. They were academically and emotionally insecure. They were confined by labels, had been discouraged from achieving and were ready to quit at any moment.

If I didn’t get them onboard quickly, I would lose them, and occasionally, I did.

I told them the hardest part was over by doing everything they had done to be sitting in their chair. I told them they already had an A+ and only stood to lose it. I told them to jump in with both feet. I told them that if they trusted me, we would get there together.

Shaping and changing their mindsets was mission #1.

Mindset – Carol Dweck Ph.D.

Years of conditioning is hard to undo, but it was tantamount for me to understand their setbacks, hardships, hurdles and insecurities to move them forward. I was surprised how publicly vulnerable they could be sharing in class and through their homework.

We talked about the importance of understanding and differentiating between their strengths, weakness, passions, and abilities. And why perseverance, resilience, vulnerability, and grit were essential to an enduring successful outcome.

Fortunately, the text book was full of self-assessment journal assignments which enabled a perspective on how they approached challenges. I filled in the gaps with inspiration from my personal struggles as well as Ted Talks (links follow) from the likes of Brene Brown, Amy Cuddy, Angela Duckworth, and Carol Dweck to name a few.

The biggest hurdles I confronted surrounded empowering them to believe in themselves, shed the labels others had characterized them by, and to put in the hard work. The hard work was not the curriculum per se but rather the focused efforts needed to change their patterns of behavior and mindsets.

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Most often, a huge light went off when they came to realize they were solely in control of their outcomes. Some came to this sooner than others, but their discovery was palpable and often brought me to tears.

When the puzzle pieces came together it was by virtue of their new growth driven mindset. Their body language improved and class participation increased. They embraced the broader application (outside of school) of their new and improved mindset, flying high in the sky among the stars.

During this period in their mindset transformation, it always shocked me how many of their ‘people,’ (parent, significant other, friend or relative) did NOT support or encourage their growth. Not all, but many of the students were overtly rejected, shunned, and even turned away.

Truly sad when someone else’s power resides in their ability to control and hold others back. This ugly scenario reared its head every semester I taught this class. A different student roster, but the same under-my-thumb response.

So, I devoted a class discussion around why some endeavor to hold others back. A devastating reality in our society. I expressed the importance of retaining their power by not conceding to the manipulation of another, even at the cost of the relationship.

Change is difficult for many, most especially for the person who thrives in holding another back. It was critical to surround themselves with people who would set them up for success rather than those that would strip them of their personal growth.

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Catch ya later hater!

Mere months before, they were on the same plane with them but through their focused efforts and hard work, emerged the difference between what was and what could be.

Positively brilliant!

So, do you set your mind or does your mind set you?

Be the goldfish that swims with the swagger of a shark!

Stir From the Bottom – Love and Gratitude

As the head chef of my household, the primary objective with all of my culinary creations is volume. How many days can one tolerate the same meal? And/or, can I freeze it for a future delight?

Check and check!

During the summer months, those meals generally incorporate the grill, but during the winter months it means homemade soups and sauces. Naturally, all the good stuff ends up at the bottom, so my instructions are pretty clear.

Stir from the bottom!

This has become such a joke in my family that I now have a cup memorializing my sage advice.

Over time it occurred to me, this is a great metaphor for how I find love and gratitude. I stir from the bottom.

For me, love is a very broad word. At the top of the list is how you emotionally and physically feel when you share love with a partner, spouse, child, and others. For now, I am leaving that aside.

The love I am talking about comes from giving or receiving appreciation, respect, kindness, excitement, friendship, and warmth. All things that rise to the top.

It is within the contentment derived from those feelings where I find the warmth of love.

Feeling the love in those times dishes up a huge helping of gratitude because they connect to each other. Just like an amazing appetizer is the start to a great meal. When love resonates with such ease, gratitude is a natural reaction.

When I was a kid, I heard I needed to count my blessings because there are others less fortunate. My childhood was not structured around religious conformity, so I didn’t fully grasp the intention of that until much later in life when I connected blessings to love and gratitude. (This is my personal experience and in no way a disregard to religious conformity nor the religious meaning of blessings.)

Embracing and connecting them as true feelings took a lot of time and maturity.

What if all the good stuff is at the bottom?

Can we find love and gratitude in despair or heartache?

Back in the days of my life when I often threw myself a self-imposed pity-party, I couldn’t find either. My backward way was so convoluted, that I would sit in troubled agony for days until my friends asked me the precise proper question. Not until then, could I unload my burden.

When they proclaimed, ‘Why didn’t you tell me sooner?’ My reply was always the same, ‘You didn’t ask.’

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Fortunately, I haven’t thrown myself a pity-party in decades.

I outgrew that egregious behavior in my late 30’s and today, my overly sunny disposition finds something to love in everything, even when I must stir from the bottom.

If I stir from the bottom, even the smallest spec of light at the end of a long tunnel consumed by darkness can change my perspective. I have faced and endured hardships but if I focus on the spec of light rather than be consumed by the darkness, eventually I emerge to find myself in the light.

Love and gratitude don’t take away the hardships that indelibly exist, rather they provide a different lens through which to view them.

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I have rationalized many things in my life to overcome the darkness. In the end the facts remain the facts, it is my perception of them that changes. In those times, the spec of light becomes a beautiful ray of sunshine.

Next time you make a gallon sized pot of chili or spaghetti sauce, be sure to give me a nod when you stir from the bottom.

Destiny and Fate Are They Mutually Exclusive?

If you find a penny, do you pick it up and put it in your pocket or do you step over it?

After all, it’s only a penny.

In and through my life experiences, I have encountered many blurred lines between intuition vs synchronicity, and destiny vs fate. If you subscribe to the very basic principle of The Law of Attraction as I do, then like attracts like implying that energy we put forth is the energy we receive.

If you see the glass as half full, your cup shall run-ith over even if devoid of a drop. If there is always a hole in the bottom, then you will be parched and depleted.

solarseven / iStock / Getty Images Plus, Mykyta Dolmatov / iStock / Getty Images Plus

They say, we control our destiny through our choices, and some predetermined outside force dictates our fate, but if our choices and beliefs influence outside forces then isn’t our fate our destiny?

If you believe that no matter what you do, the shit will hit the fan, then prepare yourself for a massive smelly clean-up. Is that the outside force or a conscious or subconscious choice?

When we attract those forces is that our fate or our destiny?

If you earn a penny through hard work and dedication, that is your destiny. A penny resulted from those choices. If you find a penny in the street that is your fate because you made no effort to earn it or choice to find it.

If you step over it instead of putting it in your pocket (your choice/destiny) the penny will not jump in your pocket (your fate).

So, if our fate is the penny we step over it becomes our destiny once we choose not to put it in our pocket. Choice influences outside forces when we deflect the presence of fate and the efforts, or lack of, that put us in that very moment where fate presents itself.

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I can’t see the future, but I innately believe that I pave its way.

If you believe something can’t be done, then you won’t venture in that direction. What if you continued and persisted? Is that your destiny or your fate? Does an outside force push you there or do you push yourself there?

If our destiny is a direction we fully control then why don’t we recognize our choices as something we can fully control? If we recognize them that way, then blame, lack of accountability and the inability to see the gain in the pain would not even be part of human behavior.

Deflecting our results away from our actions creates our destiny but may be disguised as our fate if we lack responsibility for the outcomes.

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Admittedly, there is sooo much gray area here, but I like to push the envelope.

Is it someone’s fate if something irreversibly tragic or bad happens as if it were predestined? Even if it happens in the blink of an eye, the steps that proceeded it put them in that exact moment and place.

Why?

How do we rationalize senseless death as one’s predetermined fate?

I just can’t put my head around that.

Those that die senselessly in tragic accidents don’t knowingly walk the path to their death, they end up in the path of someone else’s destiny and that becomes their fate.

That just seems way f-ed up.

Senseless tragedy or death is senseless for a reason. There is no rationale, spiritual or other, that justifies the abruptness of the loss and the eternal agony that burdens those left behind in the tumultuous wake.

Are destiny and fate mutually exclusive or blurred and intertwined constantly influencing each other?

Next time you encounter a penny, put it in your pocket, after all, it is a penny.

Until You Walk in Someone Else’s Shoes

I was fortunate to be brought into this world by two non-conformists. My mother, the self-proclaimed black sheep of her family, and my free spirited, laisse-faire father and his judgement-free ways shared in the catalyst that formed the lens through which I see the world.

As a kid, my mother had the innate ability to steer a rudderless ship. Even with her eyes closed.

Her guidance provided the perfectly blended combination of suggestive influence and necessary discipline. I presented many challenges yet with the same honor and grace, she helped me find my way.

There is a fine balance between overbearing influence resulting in rebellion, and the subtlety of firm support that steers one down their own path. It was a guided path I felt like I found on my own.

Pure brilliance.

Most certainly a rebuff to his communist roots, my father was the epitome of a non-conformist.  He chose a life free of all encumberments – clothes, rules and boundaries among them.

When he moved to Venice, California in the 1970’s the atmosphere, community and countless wayward souls perfectly suited his non-conformist ways. If the antithesis of communist Hungary existed, it was the melting pot in Venice, CA.

My parents blended influence, both in commonality and difference, shaped my attitudes about the values of non-conformity, individuality, inclusion, compassion, respect, and kindness. Collectively, they paved the path to my open minded inclusive ways.

I’m not sure the exact moment in time I fully understood and appreciated the value of their example, I certainly lived it before I knew there was value to be found.

Growing up I didn’t know people thought differently. Our summers on Venice Beach leveled the playing field. So many layers of inequality seemingly equal.

If we are all clones of each other, it would truly suck being bombarded by mirror images all day, every day.

Surely, we agree on that.

Social media, the sensationalized news, and the will of the closed minded jeopardize the value of our collective uniqueness. It is difficult to move about the planet without feeling jaded or apathetic or indifferent when the distant purview = the same old shit.

But, if something has value, it is not an endless resource or the same old shit. Its significance doesn’t dilute rather represents a position or vision of importance. If the color gray is a blend of black and white it is still rooted in the specificity of the individual colors.

If inclusion and acceptance are a blend of you and me, it can still be rooted in our differences. It is subjective and fluid. If we are not clones, our shoes are worn and wear differently.

group of people standing on pavement
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The ability to walk in some else’s shoes with compassion, empathy and an open minded eye of inclusion is rooted in our differences but thrives in experiences we share in common.

So, what level of difference is accepted? Does that change when the shoes land at your doorstep?

If we are equally entitled to our freedom and independence then shan’t we be able to move about freely?

Respect given is respect gained.

Free to be you and free to be me.

Happy 248th birthday America.

Intuition and Synchronicity – Two Power Tools

As a literal thinker I am practical, objective, pragmatic, linear, straight forward, and direct; every adjective that makes believing in fairies nearly impossible.

Left brained all the way! I like spreadsheets, order, symmetry, logic and proof. I believe it when I see it.

Rough, I know.

When I was 45 years old, I had a carotid dissection after over straining my neck. I won’t bore you with the medical nuance; a click of the hyperlink will answer any burning questions. When I had a second bilateral one 3 years later, it really got my attention.

There were more complications after the second one, and during my time in the ICU, I left my body.

My neurologist said I survived a second lighting strike; “had any other risk factors been present, smoking, weight, cholesterol, you would not have survived.”

Cut to the chase, shall we?

woman covering her face with her hands
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Talk about putting the major breaks on complacency!

My already wounded brain spun like a top and I was overwhelmed with hyper anxiousness. Why was I spared? What was my life’s purpose? Am I doing what I am supposed to? I couldn’t check all the boxes and I became very anxious.

It was high level! The kind of anxiety that gets medicated.

I trusted my intuition and declined medication in favor of feeling lucid. I hoped the mental trauma would deliver answers or direction or clarity. Despite being anxious about why I was spared and alive, I was. I wanted to find my place and continue living.

I preferred books when I needed answers. I read about ESP, spirituality and synchronicity.

A handful of the books I read, others among them given away.

They all contained different yet purposeful meaning and clarity. I have an intuitive nature and always put faith in my gut feelings, but when I experienced lucid dreams, premonitions and other intangibles, my left-brained-self labeled them impractical or coincidental.

Collectively, the books softened my pragmatic ways and enabled me to feel empathy and the intangible.

Two years after my second dissection, my business was sold; and my house and most of its contents were on the market. Adios Chicago.

I started writing.

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As I pieced together the story line for my memoir Sailing Naked, reflecting on years of ebb and flow, I let go of the practical, objective, prove-it-to-me ways in favor of seeing a pattern of synchronicities and dreams that told a much deeper story.

Carl Jung, a Swiss Psychiatrist, first introduced the idea of synchronicities, something he defines as meaningful coincidences.  Jung’s belief was,

“The experience of two or more events that are causally unrelated yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner. Just as events may be connected by causality, they may also be connected by meaning. Events connected by meaning need not have an explanation in terms of causality.”

I reflected on many casual events, sometimes spanning years in separation, that contained significant meaning. Today, I embrace the illogical and impractical when the dots they connect contain meaning or tell a story. Even if only for me.

Is it a coincidence when the favorite song of your departed loved one pops on the radio after you are in deep thought about them?

Is it a coincidence when you randomly bump into someone that has been on your mind for days?

Is it a coincidence when something that nags at you for days or weeks happens?

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close up of red cardinal
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Feathers, cardinals, songs, random happenings align with our beliefs because of how they are interpreted. Positive and insightful in favor of negative and cynical. In the end, it doesn’t even matter what others think, only what you feel and believe.

No harm, no foul.

Intuition is a powerful influence and should be trusted like your best friend. Synchronicity happens and needs only your immediate attention.

Time to trust your intuition and pay attention to ‘coincidences,’ you will be happy you did.

Why Strong Women Don’t Need a Golden Lasso or Bionic Arm

When I was a kid, The Bionic Woman and Wonder Woman were the strongest women I knew. Lindsay Wagner was an athletic, coyly sophisticated badass that morphed into an image of power and strength, single handedly (she did only have 1 bionic arm 😊) taking out the bad guy.

While Lynda Carter, a glamourous model who won Miss World USA in 1972, portrayed a Princess from an island in the Bermuda Triangle.  She spun her way into her super powers, deflected bullets with her golden wrist bracelets and subdued her enemies with her golden lasso.

A LOT has changed.

women brain storming in a meeting
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Strength and power in women today abounds and surrounds us in everyday life. Everyday, everywhere.

Our power is neither artificially implanted nor theatrically elevated. It lives and breathes within us and among us.

Wisdom, age, experience, exposure, education, success, and failure line the halls of our collective super powers. I’m not talking about taking out the bad guy, deflecting bullets, dominance or control. I’m talking about empowerment, encouragement and support.

Like spokes on a wheel, we all need to come together to keep rolling down the road.

My Grandparents – Imre and Maria Kalapos

My grandmother was one such woman. If only I had the capacity to recognize that while she was still alive. She endured 2 world wars, the Nazi’s, Russians, and the Hungarian Revolution before fleeing her country after 57 years.

She and my grandfather left everything behind.

They escaped from the worsening of continued oppressive control. Imagine a scale so out of balance it illuminated a dimly lit path that meant walking away from their lives, spirits, professions, and their material and nonmaterial possessions.

Everything they knew = the cost of freedom. A price so exponentially unimaginable, it is difficult to quantify.

The persevering resilience she exhibited empowers me. Pretty much hard to complain about anything when I think about all she endured and sacrificed to feel and be free. My life exists solely by virtue of her monumental sacrifices.

Takes my breath away every time.

So, I persist, I focus, I move forward, I endure, I give, I try, I speak, I sink, I swim, I float, I jump, I fall, I get back up.

Persevering resilience is my super power. It is time tested. If I persist, I prevail.

Or as Social Psychologist, Amy Cuddy likes to say, “Fake it until you become it.” I have faked my way through many things knowing and believing I will eventually prevail. I will become it. If you haven’t crossed paths with Cuddy’s 2012 Ted Talk on body language, linked above, it is a worthy 20 minutes of your day.

Artistry, insight, knowledge, compassion, connections, endurance, tolerance, inclusion… What is your super power? Your gift?

Do you give it away?

woman in black shirt holding red lipstick
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Whatever super power you have, give it away. Share it often. Empower someone. Help them find the confidence to step into the magic slippers and discover their own super powers.

So many of us need it. We don’t need a golden lasso or bionic arm; we need each other’s strengths.

If you need a super power, look for it. Likely, it is standing right in front of you poised to encourage, enable and empower you.

A big thank you to Julie S. for my writing inspo. Congratulations on ‘becoming it.’ Now it’s time for you to go make some waves!

RIP to the Grandest of Grandmothers:

My Grandparents grave marker. They are buried just outside of Zuirch, Switzerland

Maria Vagho Kalapos 1905 – 1983 Imre Kalapos 1901 – 1985