Since I learned the best lessons in my life through the mistakes I have made, this list could be seemingly infinite because I have made countless ones. There are several that tripped me up for years before I realized I had the power and ability to make a change in the behavior that was causing me so many issues.
The best description I found was looking through the lens of a victim vs a creator.
As a self-imposed victim, I didn’t necessarily blame others for my struggles, mistakes or failures, rather absolved myself from the equation by not being accountable to my actions. As if, the swamp I found myself in existed outside of my ability to see the mountain I could scale.
I didn’t necessarily mope around mumbling ‘woe is me,’ rather silently felt unworthy of progress which left me insecure and scared about my future or any potential success that awaited. I took small steps in the beginning but when I could feel and see that switching my mindset from living irresponsibly to owning and creating my direction, my life began to change.
This change began somewhere during my college years, as I realized the benefits of my focused work, and hit me smack in the face on the heels of my father’s unexpected death when I was 24 years old.
Death with no notice stops you right in your tracks. It left me reflecting on the things I had done that directly hurt others and inadvertently hurt me.
There was no re-do button.
Not all of my lessons revealed themselves in this exact moment, but it sure as hell sharpened my attention and enabled me to take steps in a positive direction, correcting one mistake at a time.
Here are my 8 teachers.
Silence is Not Golden
In my youth, I retreated with my emotions and closed up like a clam burrowing in the sand. My mantra, ‘I don’t want to talk about’ when asked about what bothered me, did not serve me well! My father’s death taught me the significance of sharing love, telling people my feelings, speaking my truth, and asking the hard questions in real time, not with hindsight.
Otherwise, I might not get another chance.
Embracing Death Gave Me Life
Understanding and accepting the complexity of relationships and the importance of communication is never clearer than after a loss. The gleam of light in the darkness results from a knowing that life is fleeting, sacred and all encompassing. As M. Scott Peck so eloquently put it, death is my “constant companion, always traveling on my left shoulder.” His words remind me of the the fragility of life and human nature and why I need to live for today and not yesterday.
Otherwise, I might not get another chance.
Resolve, Resilience and Perseverance
This is a 3 for 1, because for me they all surfaced in the same times and places in my life where my greatest struggles thrived. Success only comes after failure by virtue of all 3. It is really difficult to stand up straight again after a gut punch that leaves you breathless, but failure inevitably and repeatedly challenged my resolve, resilience and ability to persevere. As long as I remain focused, they collectively guide me toward the most significant accomplishments in my life.
Otherwise, I might not get another chance.
Accountability
Owning my shit enabled me to feel worthy and move forward without regret. Being accountable doesn’t absolve me of mistakes or any poor choices that I continue to make, it simply defines my role in the process. Knowing I went down the wrong path makes the presence of its potential in my future much clearer, enabling me to thwart it in its tracks or rectify it before it’s a problem.
Otherwise, I might not get another chance.
Humility and Why the High Road is an Easy Climb
Humility was quite elusive for me, especially in the times in my life when I was ‘this’ or ‘that’ or had something to prove. I stumbled on the comforting feeling once I decided my life would be better lived under the radar. Arguing, complaining, bragging, or being the loudest one in the room gets one a lot of attention for all the wrong reasons. People aren’t paying attention when it’s always in their faces, so I retreat and let my actions speak for my words.
Otherwise, I might not get another chance.
So go out and screw up, take notes and do better next time.
Otherwise, you might not get another chance.
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