Author: Kristina Kalapos

Kristina has thrived as an entrepreneur, writer, adjunct instructor, and ski instructor. Born in Zurich, Switzerland with strong ties to her Hungarian roots. Her first manuscript, a memoir, Sailing Naked is scheduled to launch in January 2026. She has shared her instinctive passion in business, the classroom and on the slopes. These endeavors were cultivated by the perseverance and resilience exhibited by her father and grandparents who traded their Hungarian heritage for freedom. After a year in Zurich, her American mother and Hungarian Freedom Fighting father relocated to the US. Stints on the east and west coasts, the birth of her brother, and move to the Midwest all preceded Kindergarten. Despite two school years as a third grader, a concerted effort enabled her to avoid the self-perceived stigma of college as a fifth-year senior, the motivating equivalent of two laps as a third grader. She graduated college with a BA in Communication Arts, in four years, with her friends. No more wallowing in the weeds. Facing failure and pulling up her bootstraps with an I-dare-you attitude, became her mantra. The lessons set in motion the day the Hungarians succumbed to the Soviet forces paved her future’s path. Their sacrifices preceded her arrival on the planet but contributed the grit and fortitude necessary to persevere through the tumult of life. After 27 years in Chicago, Kristina and her partner live in Michigan. Her spare time is consumed by family and friends who share the love of the water, sailing, skiing, and her 2 dogs Sailor and Oliver.

Do You Set Your Mind or Does Your Mind Set You?

During my stint as an adjunct instructor at the local community college, one of the classes on my schedule was Student Development – SD 125. The primary course objective was to help shape attitudes, beliefs and behaviors to enhance self-esteem and self-awareness while building confidence to move forward with a successful college and life plan.

Um, hello! In one semester? It was no small feat.

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For some, this was a required class, for others, it was encouraged by their Student Advisor. There was a consistent theme of personality characteristics that the enrolled students shared.

They were the first in their families to attend college. They were academically and emotionally insecure. They were confined by labels, had been discouraged from achieving and were ready to quit at any moment.

If I didn’t get them onboard quickly, I would lose them, and occasionally, I did.

I told them the hardest part was over by doing everything they had done to be sitting in their chair. I told them they already had an A+ and only stood to lose it. I told them to jump in with both feet. I told them that if they trusted me, we would get there together.

Shaping and changing their mindsets was mission #1.

Mindset – Carol Dweck Ph.D.

Years of conditioning is hard to undo, but it was tantamount for me to understand their setbacks, hardships, hurdles and insecurities to move them forward. I was surprised how publicly vulnerable they could be sharing in class and through their homework.

We talked about the importance of understanding and differentiating between their strengths, weakness, passions, and abilities. And why perseverance, resilience, vulnerability, and grit were essential to an enduring successful outcome.

Fortunately, the text book was full of self-assessment journal assignments which enabled a perspective on how they approached challenges. I filled in the gaps with inspiration from my personal struggles as well as Ted Talks (links follow) from the likes of Brene Brown, Amy Cuddy, Angela Duckworth, and Carol Dweck to name a few.

The biggest hurdles I confronted surrounded empowering them to believe in themselves, shed the labels others had characterized them by, and to put in the hard work. The hard work was not the curriculum per se but rather the focused efforts needed to change their patterns of behavior and mindsets.

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Most often, a huge light went off when they came to realize they were solely in control of their outcomes. Some came to this sooner than others, but their discovery was palpable and often brought me to tears.

When the puzzle pieces came together it was by virtue of their new growth driven mindset. Their body language improved and class participation increased. They embraced the broader application (outside of school) of their new and improved mindset, flying high in the sky among the stars.

During this period in their mindset transformation, it always shocked me how many of their ‘people,’ (parent, significant other, friend or relative) did NOT support or encourage their growth. Not all, but many of the students were overtly rejected, shunned, and even turned away.

Truly sad when someone else’s power resides in their ability to control and hold others back. This ugly scenario reared its head every semester I taught this class. A different student roster, but the same under-my-thumb response.

So, I devoted a class discussion around why some endeavor to hold others back. A devastating reality in our society. I expressed the importance of retaining their power by not conceding to the manipulation of another, even at the cost of the relationship.

Change is difficult for many, most especially for the person who thrives in holding another back. It was critical to surround themselves with people who would set them up for success rather than those that would strip them of their personal growth.

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Catch ya later hater!

Mere months before, they were on the same plane with them but through their focused efforts and hard work, emerged the difference between what was and what could be.

Positively brilliant!

So, do you set your mind or does your mind set you?

Be the goldfish that swims with the swagger of a shark!

Stir From the Bottom – Love and Gratitude

As the head chef of my household, the primary objective with all of my culinary creations is volume. How many days can one tolerate the same meal? And/or, can I freeze it for a future delight?

Check and check!

During the summer months, those meals generally incorporate the grill, but during the winter months it means homemade soups and sauces. Naturally, all the good stuff ends up at the bottom, so my instructions are pretty clear.

Stir from the bottom!

This has become such a joke in my family that I now have a cup memorializing my sage advice.

Over time it occurred to me, this is a great metaphor for how I find love and gratitude. I stir from the bottom.

For me, love is a very broad word. At the top of the list is how you emotionally and physically feel when you share love with a partner, spouse, child, and others. For now, I am leaving that aside.

The love I am talking about comes from giving or receiving appreciation, respect, kindness, excitement, friendship, and warmth. All things that rise to the top.

It is within the contentment derived from those feelings where I find the warmth of love.

Feeling the love in those times dishes up a huge helping of gratitude because they connect to each other. Just like an amazing appetizer is the start to a great meal. When love resonates with such ease, gratitude is a natural reaction.

When I was a kid, I heard I needed to count my blessings because there are others less fortunate. My childhood was not structured around religious conformity, so I didn’t fully grasp the intention of that until much later in life when I connected blessings to love and gratitude. (This is my personal experience and in no way a disregard to religious conformity nor the religious meaning of blessings.)

Embracing and connecting them as true feelings took a lot of time and maturity.

What if all the good stuff is at the bottom?

Can we find love and gratitude in despair or heartache?

Back in the days of my life when I often threw myself a self-imposed pity-party, I couldn’t find either. My backward way was so convoluted, that I would sit in troubled agony for days until my friends asked me the precise proper question. Not until then, could I unload my burden.

When they proclaimed, ‘Why didn’t you tell me sooner?’ My reply was always the same, ‘You didn’t ask.’

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Fortunately, I haven’t thrown myself a pity-party in decades.

I outgrew that egregious behavior in my late 30’s and today, my overly sunny disposition finds something to love in everything, even when I must stir from the bottom.

If I stir from the bottom, even the smallest spec of light at the end of a long tunnel consumed by darkness can change my perspective. I have faced and endured hardships but if I focus on the spec of light rather than be consumed by the darkness, eventually I emerge to find myself in the light.

Love and gratitude don’t take away the hardships that indelibly exist, rather they provide a different lens through which to view them.

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I have rationalized many things in my life to overcome the darkness. In the end the facts remain the facts, it is my perception of them that changes. In those times, the spec of light becomes a beautiful ray of sunshine.

Next time you make a gallon sized pot of chili or spaghetti sauce, be sure to give me a nod when you stir from the bottom.

Destiny and Fate Are They Mutually Exclusive?

If you find a penny, do you pick it up and put it in your pocket or do you step over it?

After all, it’s only a penny.

In and through my life experiences, I have encountered many blurred lines between intuition vs synchronicity, and destiny vs fate. If you subscribe to the very basic principle of The Law of Attraction as I do, then like attracts like implying that energy we put forth is the energy we receive.

If you see the glass as half full, your cup shall run-ith over even if devoid of a drop. If there is always a hole in the bottom, then you will be parched and depleted.

solarseven / iStock / Getty Images Plus, Mykyta Dolmatov / iStock / Getty Images Plus

They say, we control our destiny through our choices, and some predetermined outside force dictates our fate, but if our choices and beliefs influence outside forces then isn’t our fate our destiny?

If you believe that no matter what you do, the shit will hit the fan, then prepare yourself for a massive smelly clean-up. Is that the outside force or a conscious or subconscious choice?

When we attract those forces is that our fate or our destiny?

If you earn a penny through hard work and dedication, that is your destiny. A penny resulted from those choices. If you find a penny in the street that is your fate because you made no effort to earn it or choice to find it.

If you step over it instead of putting it in your pocket (your choice/destiny) the penny will not jump in your pocket (your fate).

So, if our fate is the penny we step over it becomes our destiny once we choose not to put it in our pocket. Choice influences outside forces when we deflect the presence of fate and the efforts, or lack of, that put us in that very moment where fate presents itself.

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I can’t see the future, but I innately believe that I pave its way.

If you believe something can’t be done, then you won’t venture in that direction. What if you continued and persisted? Is that your destiny or your fate? Does an outside force push you there or do you push yourself there?

If our destiny is a direction we fully control then why don’t we recognize our choices as something we can fully control? If we recognize them that way, then blame, lack of accountability and the inability to see the gain in the pain would not even be part of human behavior.

Deflecting our results away from our actions creates our destiny but may be disguised as our fate if we lack responsibility for the outcomes.

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Admittedly, there is sooo much gray area here, but I like to push the envelope.

Is it someone’s fate if something irreversibly tragic or bad happens as if it were predestined? Even if it happens in the blink of an eye, the steps that proceeded it put them in that exact moment and place.

Why?

How do we rationalize senseless death as one’s predetermined fate?

I just can’t put my head around that.

Those that die senselessly in tragic accidents don’t knowingly walk the path to their death, they end up in the path of someone else’s destiny and that becomes their fate.

That just seems way f-ed up.

Senseless tragedy or death is senseless for a reason. There is no rationale, spiritual or other, that justifies the abruptness of the loss and the eternal agony that burdens those left behind in the tumultuous wake.

Are destiny and fate mutually exclusive or blurred and intertwined constantly influencing each other?

Next time you encounter a penny, put it in your pocket, after all, it is a penny.

Liar, liar, if Only Your Pants Were Actually on Fire

Tall tales, Pinocchio’s nose and pants ablaze were the metaphorical lessons of my youth that pointed to liars. Learning the importance of truth and trust came only after years of living in the consequences of overlooking them.

Today, I see them as the two most compelling elements of integrity, mine and yours. From the most egregious to the most benign, say what you mean and mean what you say or move on.

Liars suck!

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If I bump into the liar who lies through their example, I run in the opposite direction as fast as I can. Nothing unnerves me more than hypocrisy. The hypocrite doesn’t just speak the lie, they live the lie. Can you imagine how spiritually detrimental that is? Lying by example takes so much pre-meditated, methodical effort and energy.

Purely, dreadful.

I always say, the loudest homophobes are closeted gays. How better to hide behind your lie than to bash the shit out of it at every opportunity.

Liar, Liar if only your pants were actually on fire!

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Where do we find the balance of trust over judgement and vulnerability over protection? If we need to earn these attributes, what is the cost? Are we guilty before proven innocent?

When I had my business in Chicago, highly sensitive information passed through our hands in advance of its destruction. The nature of our work required clean background checks, driving records and drug tests as mandatory industry pre-hire screenings.

A high level of trust among my employees and customers was critical to our reputation and success. During the new employee training, I explained to the newbies that they did not need to earn my trust.

Hmmm, smells like an oxymoron after jumping through all those hoops.

Think about what earning someone’s trust means… why do they need to earn it? Putting the mandatory pre-screenings aside, the human nature piece of the puzzle stood in a grey area presuming the newbies were not worthy of acceptance and trust despite the hoops through which they had just jumped.

Wasn’t that enough?

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Somehow now they needed to prove themselves to me, to earn it, to display a shining example worthy of the win. What does that shining example even look like? Showing up on time? Wearing a clean uniform? Greeting me with a smile?

Trust – Worthy or Not?

The word Trustworthy has always bothered me. It implies so many things that defy trust like lying, cheating, stealing, or misrepresenting something material are someway disproven thereby validating one’s worthiness.

I put 100% faith in what someone says unless they prove me wrong.

No test to pass, only to potentially fail.

Do you presume a new fresh face a liar before they even share space with you? If someone needs to earn our trust that is exactly what we do. Are they paying for the consequences of those that came before them? Earning one’s trust implies they are not worthy until they prove themselves worthy.

Where is the finish line, the gold medal? How far out is the test? Does the test require a No. 2 pencil?

I had a simple solution that became my go forward philosophy.

I told the newbies that they didn’t need to earn my trust, they already had it and only stood to lose it. It worked for me and gave them the confidence to do their job without having to prove anything more to me.

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How can we trust without being vulnerable and how can we be vulnerable without trust? They must walk hand in hand even at the risk of being hurt or burned. Offering 100% trust to someone or thing has risks that can expose us to lies and hypocrisy, but without it we risk the fulfillment of trust and vulnerability, and the gifts that accompany them.

My intuition serves me well and for me, 100% trust is a worthy risk.

Until You Walk in Someone Else’s Shoes

I was fortunate to be brought into this world by two non-conformists. My mother, the self-proclaimed black sheep of her family, and my free spirited, laisse-faire father and his judgement-free ways shared in the catalyst that formed the lens through which I see the world.

As a kid, my mother had the innate ability to steer a rudderless ship. Even with her eyes closed.

Her guidance provided the perfectly blended combination of suggestive influence and necessary discipline. I presented many challenges yet with the same honor and grace, she helped me find my way.

There is a fine balance between overbearing influence resulting in rebellion, and the subtlety of firm support that steers one down their own path. It was a guided path I felt like I found on my own.

Pure brilliance.

Most certainly a rebuff to his communist roots, my father was the epitome of a non-conformist.  He chose a life free of all encumberments – clothes, rules and boundaries among them.

When he moved to Venice, California in the 1970’s the atmosphere, community and countless wayward souls perfectly suited his non-conformist ways. If the antithesis of communist Hungary existed, it was the melting pot in Venice, CA.

My parents blended influence, both in commonality and difference, shaped my attitudes about the values of non-conformity, individuality, inclusion, compassion, respect, and kindness. Collectively, they paved the path to my open minded inclusive ways.

I’m not sure the exact moment in time I fully understood and appreciated the value of their example, I certainly lived it before I knew there was value to be found.

Growing up I didn’t know people thought differently. Our summers on Venice Beach leveled the playing field. So many layers of inequality seemingly equal.

If we are all clones of each other, it would truly suck being bombarded by mirror images all day, every day.

Surely, we agree on that.

Social media, the sensationalized news, and the will of the closed minded jeopardize the value of our collective uniqueness. It is difficult to move about the planet without feeling jaded or apathetic or indifferent when the distant purview = the same old shit.

But, if something has value, it is not an endless resource or the same old shit. Its significance doesn’t dilute rather represents a position or vision of importance. If the color gray is a blend of black and white it is still rooted in the specificity of the individual colors.

If inclusion and acceptance are a blend of you and me, it can still be rooted in our differences. It is subjective and fluid. If we are not clones, our shoes are worn and wear differently.

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The ability to walk in some else’s shoes with compassion, empathy and an open minded eye of inclusion is rooted in our differences but thrives in experiences we share in common.

So, what level of difference is accepted? Does that change when the shoes land at your doorstep?

If we are equally entitled to our freedom and independence then shan’t we be able to move about freely?

Respect given is respect gained.

Free to be you and free to be me.

Happy 248th birthday America.

Intuition and Synchronicity – Two Power Tools

As a literal thinker I am practical, objective, pragmatic, linear, straight forward, and direct; every adjective that makes believing in fairies nearly impossible.

Left brained all the way! I like spreadsheets, order, symmetry, logic and proof. I believe it when I see it.

Rough, I know.

When I was 45 years old, I had a carotid dissection after over straining my neck. I won’t bore you with the medical nuance; a click of the hyperlink will answer any burning questions. When I had a second bilateral one 3 years later, it really got my attention.

There were more complications after the second one, and during my time in the ICU, I left my body.

My neurologist said I survived a second lighting strike; “had any other risk factors been present, smoking, weight, cholesterol, you would not have survived.”

Cut to the chase, shall we?

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Talk about putting the major breaks on complacency!

My already wounded brain spun like a top and I was overwhelmed with hyper anxiousness. Why was I spared? What was my life’s purpose? Am I doing what I am supposed to? I couldn’t check all the boxes and I became very anxious.

It was high level! The kind of anxiety that gets medicated.

I trusted my intuition and declined medication in favor of feeling lucid. I hoped the mental trauma would deliver answers or direction or clarity. Despite being anxious about why I was spared and alive, I was. I wanted to find my place and continue living.

I preferred books when I needed answers. I read about ESP, spirituality and synchronicity.

A handful of the books I read, others among them given away.

They all contained different yet purposeful meaning and clarity. I have an intuitive nature and always put faith in my gut feelings, but when I experienced lucid dreams, premonitions and other intangibles, my left-brained-self labeled them impractical or coincidental.

Collectively, the books softened my pragmatic ways and enabled me to feel empathy and the intangible.

Two years after my second dissection, my business was sold; and my house and most of its contents were on the market. Adios Chicago.

I started writing.

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As I pieced together the story line for my memoir Sailing Naked, reflecting on years of ebb and flow, I let go of the practical, objective, prove-it-to-me ways in favor of seeing a pattern of synchronicities and dreams that told a much deeper story.

Carl Jung, a Swiss Psychiatrist, first introduced the idea of synchronicities, something he defines as meaningful coincidences.  Jung’s belief was,

“The experience of two or more events that are causally unrelated yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner. Just as events may be connected by causality, they may also be connected by meaning. Events connected by meaning need not have an explanation in terms of causality.”

I reflected on many casual events, sometimes spanning years in separation, that contained significant meaning. Today, I embrace the illogical and impractical when the dots they connect contain meaning or tell a story. Even if only for me.

Is it a coincidence when the favorite song of your departed loved one pops on the radio after you are in deep thought about them?

Is it a coincidence when you randomly bump into someone that has been on your mind for days?

Is it a coincidence when something that nags at you for days or weeks happens?

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Feathers, cardinals, songs, random happenings align with our beliefs because of how they are interpreted. Positive and insightful in favor of negative and cynical. In the end, it doesn’t even matter what others think, only what you feel and believe.

No harm, no foul.

Intuition is a powerful influence and should be trusted like your best friend. Synchronicity happens and needs only your immediate attention.

Time to trust your intuition and pay attention to ‘coincidences,’ you will be happy you did.

Why Strong Women Don’t Need a Golden Lasso or Bionic Arm

When I was a kid, The Bionic Woman and Wonder Woman were the strongest women I knew. Lindsay Wagner was an athletic, coyly sophisticated badass that morphed into an image of power and strength, single handedly (she did only have 1 bionic arm 😊) taking out the bad guy.

While Lynda Carter, a glamourous model who won Miss World USA in 1972, portrayed a Princess from an island in the Bermuda Triangle.  She spun her way into her super powers, deflected bullets with her golden wrist bracelets and subdued her enemies with her golden lasso.

A LOT has changed.

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Strength and power in women today abounds and surrounds us in everyday life. Everyday, everywhere.

Our power is neither artificially implanted nor theatrically elevated. It lives and breathes within us and among us.

Wisdom, age, experience, exposure, education, success, and failure line the halls of our collective super powers. I’m not talking about taking out the bad guy, deflecting bullets, dominance or control. I’m talking about empowerment, encouragement and support.

Like spokes on a wheel, we all need to come together to keep rolling down the road.

My Grandparents – Imre and Maria Kalapos

My grandmother was one such woman. If only I had the capacity to recognize that while she was still alive. She endured 2 world wars, the Nazi’s, Russians, and the Hungarian Revolution before fleeing her country after 57 years.

She and my grandfather left everything behind.

They escaped from the worsening of continued oppressive control. Imagine a scale so out of balance it illuminated a dimly lit path that meant walking away from their lives, spirits, professions, and their material and nonmaterial possessions.

Everything they knew = the cost of freedom. A price so exponentially unimaginable, it is difficult to quantify.

The persevering resilience she exhibited empowers me. Pretty much hard to complain about anything when I think about all she endured and sacrificed to feel and be free. My life exists solely by virtue of her monumental sacrifices.

Takes my breath away every time.

So, I persist, I focus, I move forward, I endure, I give, I try, I speak, I sink, I swim, I float, I jump, I fall, I get back up.

Persevering resilience is my super power. It is time tested. If I persist, I prevail.

Or as Social Psychologist, Amy Cuddy likes to say, “Fake it until you become it.” I have faked my way through many things knowing and believing I will eventually prevail. I will become it. If you haven’t crossed paths with Cuddy’s 2012 Ted Talk on body language, linked above, it is a worthy 20 minutes of your day.

Artistry, insight, knowledge, compassion, connections, endurance, tolerance, inclusion… What is your super power? Your gift?

Do you give it away?

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Whatever super power you have, give it away. Share it often. Empower someone. Help them find the confidence to step into the magic slippers and discover their own super powers.

So many of us need it. We don’t need a golden lasso or bionic arm; we need each other’s strengths.

If you need a super power, look for it. Likely, it is standing right in front of you poised to encourage, enable and empower you.

A big thank you to Julie S. for my writing inspo. Congratulations on ‘becoming it.’ Now it’s time for you to go make some waves!

RIP to the Grandest of Grandmothers:

My Grandparents grave marker. They are buried just outside of Zuirch, Switzerland

Maria Vagho Kalapos 1905 – 1983 Imre Kalapos 1901 – 1985

we are all Creatures of HAbit ambliNG through lifE with fervor

When change is afoot, I move slowly with intensity cross checking all the angles, anticipating the bumps or sharp curves while trying to solve problems that haven’t occurred.

I connect dots. All the bases are covered.

If I overlook something detrimental, I press on and figure it out as I go. Unfortunately, not all change can be methodically planned or even in our control. It lands at our feet and it’s either get on board or stay behind at the dock.

The ship leaves now!

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Routine is critical to supporting our best selves because that is how we improve and perfect. Convenience abounds and change is a growing brick wall that gets harder and harder to scale. We decide something can’t be done long before embracing the effort because change is difficult.

I have hit the brick wall at full speed in my life to ultimately embrace the needed change, more often, much to my advantage.

Why do we bump up against change with such obstinance? Will the world crumble right under our feet if we deviate one iota from our conditioned and patterned life?

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Patterns and habits are the comfiest of blankets even when they don’t keep us warm anymore. As we cling to the very last thread, kicking, screaming and complaining our way to Change declaring it is ‘so outrageous, it could never work.’

David Bowe, Ziggy Marley, Michael Jackson, and Taylor Swift sing about change. We employ change agents, life coaches, and other positive influences. They abound evoking change and yet settling in our comfort zones seems the preferred pattern.

Is it the unknown? The fear of failure? The fear of deviation?

All of the above.

In business, Change = Innovation and change agents work to indoctrinate and implement change to the masses. A quick google search defines the characteristics of a change agent as, a lifelong learner, flexible, trustworthy, organized, excited by new ideas or opportunities, creative, courageous, experienced. They are good collaborators and mediators.

They get shit done and herd us where we need to go.

How do we become our own change agents to streamline and facilitate our best directions? Not everyone has bold ambition, or they might be quite comfortable right where they are, and rightly so.

There is a time in life to coast and a time in life to scale.

When I decided it was time to leave Chicago the only thing I knew for certain was I didn’t want to live in the city anymore. I moved there on a whim with my 2 best friends from college, blinked my eyes a few times and found 27 years had passed.

An odd series of seemingly unrelated events occurred, the sale of my business, a new relationship, and the sudden death of my sister-in-law’s father.

His funeral took me home to Northern Michigan to say good-bye and spend some time with my family. After my week home, I solidified a direction I hadn’t anticipated taking and decided to trade city chaos and over stimulation for a comparably reclusive life filled with peace and quiet.

Five months after my trip home, my house was sold along with most of its contents, and well 10 years later here I sit, happy as a clam burrowed in the sand.

We are all Creatures of HAbit ambliNG through lifE with fervor.

 A few words from the wise.

“Turn and face the strange…” – David Bowe

“We all want our dreams to be real…” – Ziggy Marley

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror…” – Michael Jackson

“These walls that they put up to hold us back fell down…” – Taylor Swift

RIP Sam S. Affendikis – February 6, 1928 – May 27, 2013

Thanks for the nudge.

One Small yet Enormous Problem

May 7, 2024 was a big day for my community with a $15M bond proposal at stake for the local school district, Inland Lakes Schools. In 2022 a similar bond was proposed and failed so the outcome was critical.

In the weeks and days leading up to the vote I read strong opinions on both sides of this proposal; why a leaking roof, inefficient heating or the puddle-pond in the school’s parking lot that attracted the local ducks was a critical issue or not.

Among other concerns, the basis for ‘not’, centered around continued tax payments on an expiring debt as well as standardized test scores that fell below the average for our area.

Picture of Harbor Springs High School by Dianne Johnston

I am a proud 1982 graduate of HSHS – Harbor Springs High School in Harbor Springs, MI. I started in this school system my freshman year. By then, HSHS was the 7th school I attended in my short 14 years of life.

I was an average student but excelled in geography and math. I started kindergarten as a 4 year old and by 3rd grade was held back so I could emotionally and intellectually catch up with my peers.

One of my third grade school pictures

It was pure misery returning to the same school as a 2-time 3rd grader while I watched my classmates move on to 4th grade.

Despite that, I thrived in high school. I spent my young life active and athletic, shooting hoops in the driveway and playing catch in the yard but had never played an organized team sport. My mother encouraged me to try out for everything and I did.

I made the basketball team, ski team and started as a freshman on the varsity softball team playing left field and catcher.

I had a wicked arm.

By my junior year, my coaches and mentors, Nancy Paige, Gary Bob Morse, Bill Shepler Sr., Bill Grant, and Mike Davies voted me the Female All School Athlete. An award I received again my senior year. Their collective impact far exceeds our brief time together.

I was on top of the world and never prouder.

The safe, disciplined and regimented environment rolled into my academic life, and I THRIVED. I loved school and my grades reflected that.

There was one small yet enormous problem. The No. 2 pencil.

The No. 2 pencil meant a standardized test and I was a horrible test taker.

The distractions that put me through 3rd grade twice found their way to the tip of the pencil. When I heard the words ‘be sure to bring a No. 2 pencil to class tomorrow’ I panicked.

The dots melded together on the page, and I always floundered.

When it was time for the ACT college entrance exam, my pathway to higher education, the No.2 pencil single handedly knocked my feet out from under me.

Not only did we need to bring a No. 2 pencil, we needed TWO because they didn’t want us to get up from our seats to sharpen one if the led broke. The smarty pants in my class brought a pencil folder full of them.

UGH!

When the proctor announced there was only 30 minutes left of test time, I still had over a third of my test to finish. In a move of desperation, I began randomly filling in dots. Dot after dot so I could submit a completed test hoping a guessed answer was better than none.

As you might suspect, my score was pitiful and ultimately an encumberment that got in the way of my college selection. The score alone cost me admission to the state universities who denied my applications, even with a letter of recommendation from my coaches.

My Senior Picture

Fortunately, with a creative and supportive guidance counselor, Mr. Charles Dickinson in my corner, my 7th semester grades and my high school GPA got me over the hurdle. We found a small college where I successfully enrolled.

I fully understand the broader purpose of standardized tests, but they overlook people like me. If bond proposals are to be considered for schools, they are detrimental beyond the scope of such tests.

If schools can’t grow and innovate with the times, we risk stifling the potential and the future of our youth by attracting more ducks to the pond in the parking lot. I am where I am today with and through the struggles and successes of all my school years, including 2 as a 3rd grader.

High school was the last time I said, “I can’t.”

It was the place where I learned discipline and commitment.

Despite the No. 2 pencil, it enabled me to begin to believe I could do anything I set my mind to.

If not for those formidable foundational roots and the teachers, coaches and mentors that guided me, my life and its successes would not be what they are today or have been in my past.

My current ‘senior’ picture

Next time you are confronted with a bond proposal for your local schools, don’t let the No. 2 pencil get in your way of supporting it. Think of all the students like me that will benefit and thrive.

The ILS 2024 Bond Proposal passed.

Do You Find Good Luck or Does it Find You? 7 Strategies to Discover Your Pot of Gold at the End of the Rainbow

As a kid I believed there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, that the elusive four leaf clover was magical and that the rabbit’s foot I wore around my neck while ski racing would deliver wins and keep me safe.

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I remember when there was something we didn’t want to do we would draw straws and whoever drew the shortest one had the unenviable responsibility to the duty. Luck, or lack of it, in the form of the straw’s length.

No strategy there.

If everything in life was arbitrary and unpredictable then there is no point in effort, persistence, confidence, positivity, or kindness. We could just sit on the couch day after day and wait for all of the good things to fall in our laps.

How miserable!

If everything in life is systematically predictable and not left to chance, is it worth changing our focus and mindsets?

Of course, I’m not talking about gambling, because that is the epitome of chance and luck for those that win big, but rather drawing positive, seemingly lucky, outcomes to ourselves.

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There are seven (wink, wink) consistent observations I see in people who seem to have all the luck in the world.

1. They are motivated as hell.

Motivation is the backbone of endless positive outcomes. If Rome wasn’t built in a day, then hard work, effort, discipline, perseverance, and motivation laid every brick. Gasping for each breath, it might be a sprint or a marathon, but motivation is what sustains us to the finish line.

2. They are quietly confident.

They do because they are. Confident people are not arrogant, they share the fortitude and focus to stay the course knowing and believing in their ability. They know hardship is part of the process. Their results are defined by who they are, not who they think they need to be.

3. They are positively positive.

If you believe like attracts like then positivity can singlehandedly transform a loss to a win. You don’t actually get the Gold medal when you didn’t even make it to the podium, rather, your perspectives on failure or not winning shape the future direction and choices. It adds another tool to the shed poised for the next venture or endeavor.

4. They focus on today not yesterday.

If yesterday’s tool is already in the shed, then we don’t need to dwell or wallow in it. We can’t look forward if we are always looking back, a path painstakingly paved with woulda, shoulda, coulda and overwhelmed by ginormous potholes waiting to swallow you whole. Focus on the now, because it is the only thing we can control and it will guide and steer the future.

5. They are tenacious and persistent.

Tenacity, grit, bravery or whatever cape you wear to enable your super powers, results from the culmination of all of the above.  The willingness to take chances, think outside of the box or simply proceed because you know in your gut you can is the place where your super powers thrive.

6. They are genuine, kind, and generous with their time.

Kindness breeds positivity and deflects negativity so none of the gestures in that regard are self-serving, they are giving and genuine. Good things may come to those who wait, but better things come to those who do good things and are kind.

7. Their conduct is worthy of emulation.

Individuality is important because it would suck if we were all mirror images of each other but emulating a worthy behavior(s) is the place where role models are born and an important step in moving toward your own pot of gold waiting patiently at the end of your rainbow.

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Luck is not happenstance; it is the outcome of an adaptable mindset. “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity,” a quote accredited to The Roman Philosopher Seneca.

Next time you say good luck to someone, know what might need to stand behind those words of encouragement.