Regret

If you could change something about your past, would you? Would you if every single moment from that space in time also changed? We can’t isolate one event or interaction with an eye for a do-over without it impacting every second from that moment forward. If you haven’t seen the 1998 film, Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow, or need a refresher, check it out. It is a great theatrical example of this.

“I am where I am because of where I have been, I can’t push water back upstream and make it come down differently.” This is something I say, or at least think, a lot! This is certainly not the most consequential news of the day. Every second of every step I have taken preceding this exact moment in time holds purposeful meaning, it lands me at this precise juncture.

What happens if we can’t rationalize where we are? What if you missed the train? If we are where we are because of where we have been then everything is as it should be. As with all seemingly impractical matters of the heart and mind, such a shift in thinking is much harder than we imagine it to be. Why is it so much easier to beat ourselves up for something we can’t change than accept it for what it is?

When I think about my choices and the direction they have taken me, I can’t help but continue to remind myself that all is as it should be. Even if the outcomes are not ideal, what good does it do to labor over something I can’t control?

For me, facing adversity head on was an acquired mindset requiring thoughtful practice. Fortunately, something time was able to deliver. Prior to this, I second guessed myself, carried doubt and what if’d my days away. I have visualized my futile attempt at trying to capture the water and get it back up the stream from where it came.

Shoulda, woulda, coulda, the three most detrimental alliances capable of thwarting our hopes and dreams. The doubt that is cast over our aspirations cannot be realized in their over shadowing presence. It is unproductive and paralyzing. Regret is a heavy burden that looms around all our future endeavors.

Imagine spending your life thinking you should have done something differently. Unless you are sitting in jail for a wildly egregious crime, it is a monumental waste of time. Spiraling in the swarm of regret disables so many opportunities and possibilities.

I know this because I have done both. Fully embracing my past and the gain that arose from pain, enables me to persevere through the most trying circumstances. I would not change one thing in the past, including the most excruciating among them. Rather than wallow in regret, I choose to focus on the tools the lesson provides.

Living without regret does not absolve us of the mistakes that were made, rather it creates a space for compassion and forgiveness to emerge. Smooth seas do not hone the skills of a good sailor for a reason. If life proceeded in perfect balance and harmony, what would you do when the shit hit the fan and the boat was on the verge of capsizing?

Man the helm, ease the sheets, batten down the hatches, and ride the storm. The sun rises every day and calm seas will return.