I learned in my adult life that I am a literal-visual thinker. It wasn’t until I googled the words that it quickly popped up in the pre-filled field. It lead me to a blog post that read as if it were describing me. Not until then did I know it was a real thing or that others struggled with it too.
Literal-visual thinkers process what is said based on the exact meaning of each word and then see it in pictures.
What?!?
Others don’t?
As a literal-visual thinker, I can’t hear ‘I want to blow my brains out,’ without seeing brain spatter everywhere. I shudder every time and need minutes to recover. There are times when I anticipate what’s coming and close my eyes and cover my ears to avert the suffering.
If there is a scale, I fall in the 80-85% range. Not because I’m not always 100% literal, rather I have adjusted to repeated idioms, metaphors, humor, vagueness and have learned to recognize the nuances. I was surprised to learn literal thinking is associated with Autism or Asperger’s and exists on the spectrum.
I have never been more conscious of my literalness than when I am in the company of the masses who are ‘literally dying’ all around me, but rather, are very much alive and well.
We are drowning in ‘literallys.’ They lurk in the most unsuspecting sentences from the most unsuspecting sources.
Let us imagine for a moment, that the next time you say ‘literally’ to emphasize a figurative statement or even a fact, you get slapped in the face as an odd reflex perpetrated from your own hand, then perhaps you might cease with this nonsense.
Can’t you see Molly Shannon and Kate McKinnon in a SNL skit catching up over coffee and slapping themselves every time they say ‘literally?’
Curiously hilarious, I say!
In the seas of today’s language environment, you can’t enjoy a random conversation with family and friends or turn on the TV without hearing its annoying chronic misuse. It makes me shudder every time!
“It was literally 80 yesterday and today it’s 30.”
“That house was literally there a few hours ago and now it is literally gone.”
Those are two very clear and distinct facts that need not be re-emphasized as fact. Like ‘ums’ and ‘likes’ ‘literally’ has become a filler word.
Even more egregious is using it out of context. If you were ‘literally dying’ you would be gasping for your last breath! It is a distressing and tiresome reminder of the real struggles we literal thinkers face.
The inadvertent agony created by the non-literal masses coughing up ‘literally’ everywhere is a fate worse than the high-pitched screech of metal on metal. It’s akin to constantly reminding an empath that they are being overly sensitive.
Duh…
Partly sunny or mostly cloudy?!
Are not they the same? I get why water under the bridge is an important metaphor. We can’t push it back upstream to make it come down differently. Or why a glass half full is better than one half empty even though from a volume standpoint they are the same.
I process information from long drawn-out stories of mundaneness to analytical equations in the same manner. I connect dots and put things in order. It must be clear and sensical. It must lack implied details, inuendo and nuance.
Throw in a half dozen or so ‘literallys’ and I stop listening and start counting.
Tell me a joke? I get painfully uncomfortable whilst mustering a fake laugh or an eye roll. Say something that isn’t true because it is funny. I wince and cringe in agony. Present a ‘hypothetical’ and I begin spiraling in confusion.
“Wait, so you did tell your boss to fuck off or you didn’t.”
I am painfully gullible.
Clarity, please. It is the only path I know.
There are endless examples. Fortunately, most fly under the radar and go unnoticed by those around me, especially if we don’t share the same roof. However, the more daily interactions I have with someone the harder it gets.
My mother recently had a malignant growth removed from the shin of her leg. The directions from the Doctor required her to clean it with bar soap once a day, Ivory, Dial, it didn’t matter.
Of course, I asked.
The next morning, “Mom, did it bother you to clean it?”
“No, I rubbed a bar of soap on it.” Gesturing with her hand toward her shin for added effect.
“Did that hurt? Maybe you shouldn’t rub a bar of soap over it and use a washcloth.”
Her innocent reply, “I didn’t! I used a washcloth! What do you think I am, stupid!?”
Concern and compassion with a dash of literal interpretation is a recipe perfectly formulated to look like an A-hole. Sadly, a place I find myself inadvertently landing too often.
Them, “I don’t like that restaurant, I don’t eat fried food.”
Me, “They don’t serve fried food.”
Them, “Well you know, when they sauté it in a pan.”
“That’s not fried food.” Me = A-hole.
You get the A-(w)hole idea.
My responses are not premeditated for A-hole conformity, but rather to my natural interpretation to the very statements being made. Like a train speeding down the track, I don’t see it coming until after it flattens me on the ground.
Fortunately, not all my literalness flattens me on the tracks. Years ago, I was on a plane headed to the islands for vacation and read an article in the airline magazine about the entrepreneur who developed the Big Ass Fan.
A bold ass name, I thought.
When we landed, the open-air airport had no A/C and I looked up and there it was… the biggest fan I had ever seen – A BIG ASS FAN. Thank you for living up to my literal expectations!
I am a planner and a doer, pragmatic and focused. Committed and loyal through the cloudiest of ends. Visually, it’s black and white, not gray. I see you standing over your boss’s desk telling her to fuck off. I contrive visual images of conversation details and when I can’t connect the dots, I interrupt with questions.
This annoys people. Some more than others.
The unaware may never skip a beat, on with the next anecdote of their tale, while others are clearly annoyed. As we near ‘The End’ if I don’t get it, I just can’t let it go. “Huh, what? I don’t understand.” Back to chapter one, we go.
I remember everything and expect that what is said is what will result. Say what you mean and mean what you say and don’t ask me a question you really prefer I don’t answer. I am painfully direct and frank. I call it like I see it. To the point, no mincing words.
This annoys people too. Some more than others.
People who are close to me expect and appreciate this from me. No sugar coating, just a big bitter pill to swallow with no water to wash it down.
Cough, cough… ok.
To the outsider, I imagine this reads like a demanding bitch who isn’t worthy of friends and conversation. If that’s your thought, we agree.
If you are literal like me, painstakingly connecting dots, visualizing stories with images, responding directly and frankly, it can be a distressing way to live, often being misunderstood. I am quite the opposite of a demanding bitch, and struggle with the consequences of my literalness regularly.
Fully understanding this about my nature gives me clarity and a better understanding of my communication style but doesn’t necessarily help those around me.
Sadly, being misunderstood is a literal thinker’s way of life and being reminded of it regularly is excruciating.
Thank you
Why should you care, and how might you help, you ask?
Next time you are ‘literally dying’ or need to say literally five times in each sentence, first, make sure you don’t slap yourself in the face, then pause for some brief reflection and recognize the inadvertent agony you may be causing us literal thinkers. It just might curtail your flagrant behavior.
It is due time for an indefinite moratorium.
Obituary to follow.
