Tag: Balance

Touching a Hot Stove Never Felt so Good

For as long as I can remember I have used the ‘hot stove’ analogy when I make significant mistakes in my life. You only touch a hot stove once because your skin bubbles, it hurts like hell, and you swear at the top of your lungs. Point made. I won’t do that again!

Conversely, there are mistakes that simmer on the back burner not hot enough to scorch our consciousness into change. They exist just outside of the realm of accountability and persist in variations of the same underlying theme. A self-fulling prophecy that lands us right back in the misery of where we began.

Recognizing that being numb to the consequences of our mistakes or failures isn’t a productive place to rest, we need to greet them with open arms and a willingness to effect change.

One small catch, how do we spot them a mile away barreling in our direction? Surely, there is a pattern in our behavior that is as clear as frickin day! “Hello, nice to see you again. Shall I trip you now or next time we meet?”

We don’t know what needs fixing until we do! Repeating the same mistake doesn’t teach us anything until it results in a different outcome. If we see mistakes as the seeds of our life lessons, then hydrating them is tantamount to overcoming them.

Many of the mistakes I made in my life brought about an abrupt change in my future behavior because of the writhing pain they created. If you touch a hot stove your next move isn’t jumping in the oven!

The one and done lessons are the easier ones to learn. Those that simmer on the back burner need our focus and attention. Many of the early choices in my life were in the name of self-protection and their misguided outcomes simmered until the pot went dry.

Time and maturity enabled me to be more objective with my approach and rationale of what self-protection should look or feel like and hurting those I loved was not it.

With time and reflection on my side, I learned those choices caused me and those around me more harm than good. Consciously choosing my path became the foundation for making productive decisions. A fork in the road doesn’t continue in the same direction for a reason. Pausing and anticipating the outcomes of going left or right became the starting point for positive outcomes.

Wrangling a definitive path that proceeds in a positive direction does not mean there won’t be bumps in the road. Ultimately, we need to believe that our actions and reactions are fully within our control. How we manage them, and their potential damage will dictate how we see our futures.

It is liberating to be accountable to the choices I make even when their outcomes don’t always work in my favor. Being accountable does not absolve me of poor decisions, rather it casts a luminous light on the outcomes. It is a proactive choice that balances the direction I take with its result. No excuses, no regrets.

We thrive or flounder in our own personal experiences and what we perceive them to represent to our benefit or detriment.  Life is not meant to be lived infallibly but without doubt needs to be lived absent blame, excuses and most importantly, regret.

Balance met Harmony and Lived Happily Ever After

When I think of balance the first image that pops in my head is a seesaw at the playground when I was a child. Its fluid motion lands you at the top or bottom quite abruptly, or ever so carefully in perfect parallel with the earth and the sky. These actions are not independently exclusive, but rather together in harmony with the movement.

Up, down and balanced harmoniously together. Brilliant! The challenge is putting this into action. How do we realize balance in all things we do? I have learned to rationalize many things in my life and balance brings needed equilibrium into focus.

Mark Twain said, “What is joy without sorrow? What is success without failure? What is a win without a loss? What is health without illness? You have to experience each if you are to appreciate the other. There is always going to be suffering. It’s how you look at your suffering, how you deal with it, that will define you.” (Thank you, Deb H. for the Twain inspo.)

When you trip and fall down you don’t crawl on the ground indefinitely because that is where you landed. You leap to your feet, look around to make sure no one saw you fall, then you move about as if nothing happened. Balance delivers light in the dark. It gets you back on your feet! It is capable of offsetting spite, revenge, anger, and blame by empowering forgiveness, acceptance, appreciation, accountability, and gratitude. 

If we balance negative with positive, the seesaw lands in the middle. Painful lessons may appear as more evident and obvious because they are not the hopeful outcome. Conversely, joyous lessons can slip under the radar because they are our expectation.

If joy eventually results from pain, then it washes over us like a revelation. If joy results from joy, it is often our expectation and lacks some of the revelationary qualities that joy from pain exhibits. They are both equally pertinent because if we distinguish the value and power in either lesson then growth prevails, and we find balance.

I have learned that painful lessons illuminate a path to a big ass gold framed mirror… Back so soon? Time for some self-reflection. Sometimes the mirror is foggy when I arrive, but as it clears, I can see the tools shining in the background poised for battle.

For us to thrive, balance needs to be in everything we do and everywhere we look. We can’t lose sight of the choice, the choice to balance joy with pain, good with bad, freedom with struggle, strength with weakness, gain with loss, right with wrong, compassion with abstinence, acceptance with rejection, empathy with apathy.

Balance is the calm in the storm.

It is not about choosing one direction over the other per se, it is about seeing the counter balance inherent in both directions. In the moment, it is hard to not see pain as pain but if the glass is half full then there is nothing negative that does not find its way to positive.

Ultimately, it is the harmonious fluid movement of the seesaw, up, down and balanced, that heals and empowers my choices and the direction they lead me.